Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize