hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
