i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
