the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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