I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
