If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
