Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
