Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
