I just saw a hot homeless man
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize