There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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