I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Damn victory sex feels great
I think I just shit out all my problems.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
