the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
