tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
