No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
