I accidentally burped into my bong.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
