I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
