I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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