All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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