Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
