i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
