Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
