im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize