It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
