it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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