for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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