i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
