If that was your dad, he is hot
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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