But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
