the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
