Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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