U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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