I can tuck mytits in my pants
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Randomize
