who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize