So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
