i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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