just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
