Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
