I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
