she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I deserve this hangover.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
