You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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