Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
