I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Duck Duck Cougar?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
