SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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