I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
