Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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