i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
