Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
