i think my mom watched the whole time
Acid is not a monday night drug
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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