i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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