just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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