I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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