the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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