haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
