you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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