Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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