theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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