Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
