i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
