Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
