Kiss
Puke
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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