I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
