I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize