Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
