I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
