3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
