Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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