What a fucking waste of an outfit
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
