he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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