Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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