Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
