awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
