i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize